Dear Brian,

Dear Brian,

It’s been 24 days since you died, and it still doesn’t feel real. Your van is gone, starting its new life as the Gable van, but I still look out and expect to see it coming into the driveway at 6:30 pm every night. The house is too quiet, as if we’re all waiting for you to come back. Even Tayla and Bear are waiting for you – Bear’s at the door every night, right around 6:30, hoping that you’ll walk in.

My bed is too big now. It’s cold, and it’s lonely, and it’s very hard to fall asleep at night. I wake up with one arm outstretched, as if looking for you. I’ve taken to wearing your teeshirts, just so I can have you with me.

All the things I want to share with you – they finally released the new Pokemon from the Johto region, and I know you’d be excited about them. I’m trying to catch them all for you, but I’m just not as good at it as you were.

KJ and I have decided that the only way you’ll get to see things and do things is if we do them – I think that’s the best, so we’re going to live for you. It won’t be the same, of course. I adore KJ (just like you did) but she’s not you. There are some things that I’ll do alone physically, but I’ll know you’re there with me.

It’s still not fair that you’re gone. We were supposed to have at least 10 if not 20 more years together, even given your family history. I’m trying very hard to be strong, but it’s lonely. Even with people here, it’s lonely. I feel like I’m in a holding pattern, waiting for something to happen, but I don’t know what. People say it will get better, but apparently that takes some time.

I don’t know what else to say, but I’m sure I’ll write again. I don’t know any other way to communicate with you anymore, but somehow I know you’ll be able to read this.

I love you, and I miss you.


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