Dear Brian,

 Dear Brian,

 

I kind of lost it this morning. I found the garb you wore to the last event we went to, and it still smelled like you, and I just stood there in the middle of our dining room and cried, because I miss you.

 

It sneaks up on me at all kinds of weird hours. But do you know what’s worse? When I’m happy. Because I am, sometimes, and then I remember that I don’t have you to share the joke or the song or the picture with, and I feel guilty for being happy (which is stupid, I know, I know) and then I feel sad because I can’t call you or text you or even go upstairs and interrupt your damn Tanks game to share. The house is too quiet, because you aren’t here. And I’m trying to go on, but every so often, I lose my way.

 

There’s so much I want to share with you. Dumb things, like the Power Rangers movie, and the Thor: Ragnarok trailer, and the new Pokemon I caught over the weekend. Little things, like a funny meme on Facebook. And although I know people say that you’re always with me – it’s not the same. I can’t bury my face in your shoulder to cry for my mom, or for Sebastian. Please hug them both for me.

 

Your nieces and nephews are growing up so fast, I almost don’t recognize them sometimes. KJ and I are going to Billy’s wedding in May – I know you would have wanted to be there. Dad, Debbie, and I went to Kaylee’s play – she’s following in your footsteps and is a total ham. She’ll do you proud.

 

There’s so much more to say, but it’s hard to type right now. I’m going to make a cup of tea and curl up with Bear for a bit, so I can get myself back together. He misses you too.

 

We all miss you.

 

Love, Val

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