(personal) Musings on birthdays and life

It’s my birthday today.  Today is the last time I will celebrate a birthday in my 30s – next year is the big 4-0.  I was talking to my new doctor on Thursday and you know, I don’t FEEL like I’m staring 40 in the face.  I don’t even feel 30.  I look at myself, and I don’t always recognize the person staring back at me, because to me, I’m still just fresh out of college.  Or worse, still IN college.  I feel like I should know things that I don’t.  I feel that I’m still learning.

 

And maybe that’s a good thing.  Maybe that’s why, in spite of a truly horrific weekend eating-wise, I’m still looking forward to my 5k race next Saturday.  I have yet to run 5k outside.  This will probably be my first time.  I haven’t looked at the course since, um, October, when I signed up for it.  But I’m still going to do it.

 

Why?  Because I want to.  I want to run outside.  I want to feel free.  I think I shall probably run after the Red Sox game, simply because I need to run.  Will it be a great run?  I don’t know yet.  But it’s warm and gorgeous and dammit, I need to be outside.

 

I’m going to write today too.  And work on the glorious new shrug that I’m making  – for me.  With yarn Mom and Dad got me for my birthday.  I’m hoping to have it done for tomorrow, so I can wear it to work.

 

This past week, when I was flaring?  It taught me that sometimes, it’s okay to slow down.  I don’t have to bull through things, or grit my teeth and pretend I’m fine.  I can have down days.  I can take time to just recover.

 

Sometimes, 300 words is all I will get.  (Especially after playing nearly 12 hours of WoW.  But hey, Level 62!!!)  Sometimes, I’ll get more.  I won’t write as fast as others do.  I write at my speed.  And I write well.  I run at my speed.  And I run.  Maybe not well, not yet, but I run.

 

I’m a work in progress.  The only thing that will stop that progress, besides death, is me.  I’m my own worst enemy sometimes.  And I have to remember that any progress, even just 300 words after a marathon WoW day, or a day spent sleeping off a Crohns flare, is progress.

 

Happy Birthday to me.

One thought on “(personal) Musings on birthdays and life

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.