Archive for the ‘brian’ Category

(writing/personal) Updates of all kinds

 Today is a writing day, and that’s a good thing. I need to get back to a routine before I go back to work in a month, and I need to get this book done. I’ve also done a few housekeeping things that I wanted to let people know about.

 

I’m deleting my LiveJournal account as soon as I finish importing everything over to DreamWidth. I won’t agree to a TOS that is in a language I don’t read, especially when they specifically say the English translation is NOT binding. Um, no. No thank you. I’m vg_ford on DW if you want to follow me. I’ll be posting some different things there, I think. I really loved LJ because I could do almost a stream-of-consciousness thing, and I think I’m going to use that to kind of mind dump before I write. And all my old stuff will be there, once the import finishes.

 

I’m also getting ready to update my Patreon page again. While I’m writing my next project, I’m also going to be working on the next Sapph book, starting with some journal entries from her diary. I need to make a wiki for that world as well, so I’m updating it as I go and not six books in (cough*Advent*cough). My paying Patrons will be able to see that as it develops.

 

I’m settling into life without my husband. It’s weird, and it’s hard sometimes, and sometimes I can actually forget for a little while, enough to pull my phone out to text him or call him, and then I remember and I hurt all over again. I’m trying to get through it. I hear it gets better.

 

Today is hopefully finishing Winter Storms. I need to get this book out to my editor so I can start the next one. I won’t be posting a lot about it yet, as I can’t, but I will be giving you guys updates as I can. Suffice to say, this book will be amazing.

Dear Brian,

Dear Brian,

It’s been 24 days since you died, and it still doesn’t feel real. Your van is gone, starting its new life as the Gable van, but I still look out and expect to see it coming into the driveway at 6:30 pm every night. The house is too quiet, as if we’re all waiting for you to come back. Even Tayla and Bear are waiting for you – Bear’s at the door every night, right around 6:30, hoping that you’ll walk in.

My bed is too big now. It’s cold, and it’s lonely, and it’s very hard to fall asleep at night. I wake up with one arm outstretched, as if looking for you. I’ve taken to wearing your teeshirts, just so I can have you with me.

All the things I want to share with you – they finally released the new Pokemon from the Johto region, and I know you’d be excited about them. I’m trying to catch them all for you, but I’m just not as good at it as you were.

KJ and I have decided that the only way you’ll get to see things and do things is if we do them – I think that’s the best, so we’re going to live for you. It won’t be the same, of course. I adore KJ (just like you did) but she’s not you. There are some things that I’ll do alone physically, but I’ll know you’re there with me.

It’s still not fair that you’re gone. We were supposed to have at least 10 if not 20 more years together, even given your family history. I’m trying very hard to be strong, but it’s lonely. Even with people here, it’s lonely. I feel like I’m in a holding pattern, waiting for something to happen, but I don’t know what. People say it will get better, but apparently that takes some time.

I don’t know what else to say, but I’m sure I’ll write again. I don’t know any other way to communicate with you anymore, but somehow I know you’ll be able to read this.

I love you, and I miss you.

Me.