Archive for July, 2022

Half-way there.

Beaver dam at Moss Glen Falls, Vermont

The year is half-over today (okay, technically tomorrow, but bear with me). How is that possible? It totally feels like time is just – I don’t know. Perhaps because I have some very important doctor appointments starting tomorrow, and I’m simultaneously looking forward to them and dreading them.

Tomorrow, I meet with my new doctor at the Catholic Medical Center Weight Management Program. Wednesday, I meet with my new nutritionist and my new exercise therapist. I’m sure it’s going to be hard. For all that I like planning things out in my writing, I hate logging my food, which I’m sure will be a part of it. I hate being told what I can and cannot eat. I hate having to monitor myself. But I have to do something, because my weight is too much for my frame, and my eating habits are, to be honest, shit. Ever since Brian died, I’ve pretty much stopped cooking for myself and am living on convenience foods, which sucks.

I have to relearn things. I’ve let my therapy slip too (I know, I know), and it’s not going to be easy. But I’m trying to be honest with myself and you folks, so we’ll see how it goes.

Writing-wise: I’m working on my #morningpages habit again. August is going to be the month of getting to bed on time and getting up to write my pages before work. I’m also starting the plot vomit for Dreams. This week, I need to figure out the overarching theme/question of the book, now that I’ve realized that the antagonist I thought was the focus is not. Which, I mean, I guess yay for figuring it out before the book is written?

Have a good week, folks. Take care of yourself.

Still plugging along

Look what came in! I’m very excited, and can’t wait to start reading it. My brain has been slightly mush all week (yay, heat wave!), but I’m still letting things stew, and I have some very interesting ideas for both Dreams and Falls. There are maps involved. Maps of the New England area, and of an asylum. I can’t really draw much, but I love straight lines, and maps are fun.

I’m also getting my home work station set up. My work studio does not have AC, and between the heat, the fact that it’s summer camp, so there are a LOT of people around, and my tea pot is at my house with all my tea, I needed to set things up. My monitor at home was starting to die (like, it was flickering in and out, and considering it’s a flat screen that I first got around when I got this laptop, it’s had a good life), so I went to Target and got a new setup.

My workstation at the house!

Yeah, because the laptop is older, and the video card is older, it will only run one other screen. But I have a brand-new laptop from work, so that shouldn’t be a problem. And if it is, I’ll deal with that when I need to.

Not a lot to update this week, but I wanted to make sure I was keeping up with my schedule. Also, I’m hoping to get writing morning pages this week again. It’s time.

Now, I’m going to go vacuum my living room, swap the laundry, and then start reading.

Alive, not dead

Yeah, sorry about last week. For those who follow me on Facebook, I spent last weekend and half of last week passing a kidney stone. Needless to say, there was no writing done. There was very little work done.

There was a LOT of sleeping done.

This past weekend, for the first time in 3 years (THREE YEARS) I went up to Maine for an SCA event, the Great Northeastern War. I didn’t camp (my knees and camp cots don’t work well at the moment), but I did go up for the day on Saturday, and even though I didn’t get very far into the event, I got to see people. I got to hang out in the Stonemarche camp and sew and listen to my friends talk and wear my garb and eat good food and smell campfires and just…yeah. I miss SCA. I miss being mobile enough to move around during the event, and I am DETERMINED that next year, I’m not only going to be able to move around, I might even fence. Because reasons, dammit.

There’s another reason I’m proud I went to the event. Since Covid, I’ve been having anxiety/panic attacks at being in large groups. Even outside. Even though I know my friends are vaccinated and boosted, and they are great at asking if I’m okay being hugged. It’s my brain and I’m working through it, and darnitall, I made it yesterday.

Today, I got to watch my friend Robert dance to Kate Bush on the front lawn of the State House in a red dress as a part of the Wuthering, which I had not heard of before, but was amazing. I’m hoping to join them next year. If you have a chance to do it, or even just watch it, I highly recommend it.

My writing is in kind of a dormant period. I’m reading The Ghosts of Borley Rectory as part of my Belladonna Dreams research, and I’ll be picking up Ghostology later this week as well. I’m still working on the timeline in the Horseman universe, but I definitely have some scene ideas popping into my head for the first Shanna book.

I’m starting to get creative again. Which is cool.

No independence today

I’m feeling evil right now, because as a uterus owner in America, this is NOT my Independence Day (fuck you, Supreme Court, and the right wing). So instead of “celebrating,” I’m writing ghost stories and enjoying iced tea at a lovely coffee/tea shop in my hometown (shoutout to Brothers’ Cortado!). I went up to Pittsburgh, NH, on Saturday – the only point in NH with an official crossing to Canada – and did some work on Sapph. I’ve got to go and pick up my copy of Ghostology from Gibson’s Bookstore this week, and I’m currently reading The Ghosts of Borley because ghosts are eating my brain this week. I’ve just had a breakthrough in something that’s been bothering me for a long time (let’s be honest, since I started fooling with this idea some ten years ago) – the ecology of the Ghostlands. And I’m kicking myself because in hindsight, it’s so obvious, and yet…it’s not. But it works soooo well. And yeah, that’s all I’m giving you.

I’m also starting July off with some changes to how I look at things. I’ve been very open with my struggles with depression over the years, and I’m pretty convinced that depression was part of what contributed to my husband’s early death. However, unlike him, I’m actively working with my doctor and my therapist to bring my symptoms under control. The fact that my knees are killing me (much like his sciatica was bothering him in the last year or so of his life) and that I’m gaining weight (which is adding to things) is making me worry that I too won’t make it to 50. Which I do not accept. I have appointments in August with a PT and a nutritionist and a specialist in weight loss, and while I won’t be getting surgery, there are some other options I’m exploring. But a lot of it is taking responsibility for my own life, and that’s what I’m trying to do.

In other news, my goals this week are to do morning pages every day (which will force me to get up before I have to run out the door, and actually have a cup of tea and wake up before work), finish up my coif, and make my bed every day. Small goals. I think I can do it.

What are your goals this week?